Hey there, what do you think of this crime story opening? It;'s my first piece of work!?

It's really good. You might not get so many answers about it on Yahoo so trying posting it on fictionpress.com or Booksie.com . Tell the people that you are only placing little pieces of your stories up there to see what others think. Or, if you want you can post the whole story up there. It's really your decision.